One of the fundamental language tools we have in any language is the question-the why, who, what, where, when, how, etc. I love creating effective questions to help me understand myself and my clients and students better. The purpose of a question is to provide clarity, to be given details, to find out more and to ask for what we want. Part of effective communication is the congruency of what you are feeling inside and knowing what you want. When you know what you want, to get it you have to ask for it. Nothing is a given in life. Just because you want something doesn’t mean you’ll get it, especially IF you don’t ask for it. Asking is the active action required.
What stops us from asking?
-The possibility of being told ‘no’ and being rejected on some level.
-The possibility of actually getting what you want, as simply as asking for it.
-Thinking that you’ll be judged for asking for something.
-Believing that the other person might be put out/obliged because you asked for something.
-Feeling shame for asking for help.
-Over-thinking and ‘What ifs..’
-Not believing that you are worth it, deserving or enough of a person to be told ‘Yes, you can’.
When do we ask?
-When we have a need, desire or a want to be met-for a hug, for a kiss, for reassurance, plans for dinner, for a present, for some help…
-When our intention is to grow in new life skills such as self-confidence, trust, resilience, determination, happiness etc.
-When we want to get used to being rejected so that rejection no longer feels distressing! (If there is something you’re avoiding, the best way to deal with it, is to find a safe situation so that you can desensitise unpleasant feelings.)
-When we know that we need something to help us evolve as a person. For example, I started saying ‘If I don’t ask, I won’t get’ in my twenties to help me gain self-confidence and build my self-esteem. I found it really useful as it helped me to get used to be told ‘no’, as well as notice how uncomfortable I was when I was told ‘yes’. And, it also helped to toughen me up a little!
By simply asking the question, you are allowing someone else to share their ‘gift of help’. As humans, we love to help one another-whether that is as a business owner, employee, student or teacher, parent or child. People helping each other everyday makes the world go round!
Tips to make the most of this mindset: ‘If you don’t ask, you don’t get; ask and you shall receive, ask for what you want and need’
-No one is a mind reader so the gift of your voice is the instrument you use to ask the question for your desires.
-Keep your request in perspective. All you’re doing is the asking. It could be a yes or a no. Accept that you’ll get either one…or a maybe! Who knows! You’ll only find out in the moment.
-Be open to receive, if you have asked for support. By asking and then refusing, the flow of the interaction is blocked and is confusing for you, the Universe and the other person.
-Never ask selfishly or out of context. Never demand anything-if someone can’t help, accept their ‘No’.
-The guarantee is that you will always get something in return by asking: it may be the interaction with someone new, it may be the realisation you are not ready for what you want yet, it may be a sense of wellbeing, it may be a smile! Only the moment will tell!
-Use this mindset to help you gain confidence, build self-esteem, to realise that you are deserving of an abundant and prosperous life.
This precise moment is right here and right now. This is the moment that exists. Life is today.
What do you need to ask for and who is the best person that can help you? Have you any of your own experiences to share? Leave your comments below.