Have you ever found yourself wanting to say something and stopping yourself because of what the other person or people might think of you? Maybe you’ve wanted to share a joke, express an opinion, disagree with someone’s point of view or just be your unique and (sometimes!) random self. But you’ve stopped yourself. Read on find out what it really means when we care too much and a few tips on how to ‘care less’…
On a day to day basis we are usually around people most of the time. We connect with people in our home and work environments, on public transport, out and about in towns and city centres, and online. Most of our interactions can uplift us and make us feel good, such as a listening ear from a friend or a colleague, a gesture of physical connection like a hug, a kiss or sincere smile. When someone shows us that they understand us, we feel less judged. We also feel as if we have permission to be comfortable to be ourselves.
But what about when we are around people that when we don’t say, act or do the things we really want to, what might we be worried about?
Some of the things that we care too much about are:
- how we look; from our appearance to whether we’ll look a fool, silly or embarrassing
- what we will sound like if we ask a ‘stupid’ question when all we need is clarity to process information in our unique way,
- having a different and/or disagreeing opinion and not expressing it
- a unique perspective on a situation and being different
- wanting to be right and not be shown up in case we’re wrong
- not wanting to offend or insult anyone indirectly
- being judged,
How can it stop you?
Some of the ways that it shows up is when you stop yourself from saying what you want; Making a joke, sharing a story, or your own point of view-even though you want to share it, instead you think that the other person may judge you, not be interested, not agree with you, maybe they’ll be offended, maybe they won’t get you and many other ways.
What feelings are spiked when we care too much?
- feeling small, playing small, thinking you’re less of a person,
- feeling unworthy,
- feeling like you don’t deserve to express yourself
- thinking you’re not clever enough,
Why do we care too much?
Fear is often something that we give more weight to, more credit than it deserves. When we care more about the fear of the unknown, fear of confrontation, fear of embarrassment, fear of judgement, feel of rejection, we creates habits of holding ourselves back. We stop ourselves from being all that we can.In some cases, caring too much about what other people think can also be an excuse; to be less of the person we can be, and to not have to step up.
In the moment, we don’t know how someone will react to our opinions and points of view. Your contribution could be exactly the thing that needs to be heard.
What does it really mean?
Essentially what it really means is that we value other people’s opinion, judgments, points of views, feelings and thoughts. There isn’t anything wrong with valuing the people’s opinions-we need them as feedback to show us how we’re showing up in the world. It’s just when valuing others opinions gets to the point that it stops you from speaking out, being all that you can be, doing what you really want to in life, then we are valuing others more than ourselves.
Being influenced by other people is a normal part or life. However, when we allow others to influence our personal growth, inner happiness and progression in business, career and life, then we really need to ask ourselves whether we’re caring too much…
How can you begin to value less what other people think?
- Choose to put YOUR feelings first. If it will make you happier, feel good, or just not regret it, then say what you want to and need to. Your feelings are incredibly important, and only you know how you really feel. You’re the only person who can give yourself permission to put yourself first-The fine line is that is doesn’t mean you don’t care, just that you care less about someone else THOUGHTS and more about your FEELINGS.
- Write in a journal the different thoughts that come up for you. One suggestion is to mind map ‘I care too much when..’
- Be honest about how you really feel about why you care too much, what it’s stopping you from doing, and what feels good for you to do to change the habit.
- Imagine who you would be if you were your ideal you. Imagine the confidence, the inner happiness, the spontaneity, the joy and every single thing that feels good about being that person. What do you have to change in order to become that person?
- Live spontaneously and without any regrets! This life is yours, it’s precious and there is an unknown time limit for each of us. So, say what you need to say, do what you want to do and feel all the positive emotions that you want to experience! Enjoy life!
- Choose to live a live as many moments of your life without any regrets..so speak up when you need to, say what you need to and make the most of each precious moment.
- I came across a very timely quote last week, not sure who said it originally. The quote is ‘What you think of me is none of my business’. Says it all really. What do you think?
Be proud of who you are, care more about your feelings and less about other peoples thoughts. Thoughts are made up of different beliefs, ideas, influences, judgments, untruths, insecurities, fears and so much more.
Concern yourself with your feelings so feel good, have less regrets and make the most of every moment!
Over to you, what do you care too much about? What’s it stopping you from doing?What could your life be like if you changed this habit? Who would you like to show up as in this world? Share your comments below:
Leila Khan is a personal and business development coach, teaches the Law of Attraction and is the published author of My Little Red Book of Wisdoms and soon to be published 101+ ways to overcome almost anything. Sign up for the Life is Today newsletter for regular inspiration and motivation for a life where you show up fully as your passionate, authentic and successful self.