Why focusing on confidence may be hurting you

Do you ‘do’ personal development’ to be confident? Well, personal development is about so much more than confidence.

Clearly confidence is an attractive trait and one which we all want to feel…it looks alluring when someone has the confidence to go up to someone and speak to them, or dress uniquely, or walk into a restaurant, class or networking event without a thought for anyone else in the room. It seems as if seeking confidence is something which everyone wants and whilst some find it elusive, others don’t see it as such a big deal. What if, however, the quest for confidence is not really the most important thing? What if other ‘states of being’ or character traits are more important?

For those of you on a personal development journey who feel you’re not progressing then I would suggest that you ask yourself ‘Instead of seeking confidence, is there something else I need to recognise in me instead?’ There is something else that you are meant to be identifying, addressing and healing where needs be.

Some potential answers to this question could be that maybe you need to identify or recognise…

Forgiveness; do you need to forgive yourself, and others for past situations, words and actions?

Shame; do you feel ashamed about who you are, what you want to be, past experiences and more so because other people have ‘made you feel’ ashamed?

Guilt; are there feelings of guilt that need to be recognised so that you can be guilt free about things that have already happened, or choices you want to make about your future?

Procrastination; what is your habit of procrastination really covering up? Are you afraid of failure? Or, are you afraid of success?

Anger; resentment; frustration; who do you need to admit that you are angry at, and who do you need to forgive and let go? (Always check in with yourself first)

Sadness; grief; mourning. Are there memories, times gone by, the past that you need to mourn and finally let go to drift off into the ether as life experience?

Faith; Do you want to cultivate faith in yourself? Do you need to recognise that you already have faith in yourself and to keep believing in yourself?

Courage; do you want to cultivate courage so that you can step and be who you really want and need to be?

Inner strength; what if you knew that you have the inner strength to be all that you want to be?

Joy and gratitude; What do you need to be grateful for? Do you take yourself for granted? do you take each day for granted? Do you want and need to appreciate others, yourself and life more?

Self-love; As much as you love and give to other people, do you need to learn to give to YOURSELF as much as you do to other people? Do you crave the sense of your own love?

And, the best part is the responsibility is solely yours. It’s the best part because it means you’re in charge of yourself, you have your own answers, and the personal journey you are undertaking to discover yourself is all yours and not anyone else’s. Ever! You are your own hidden gem.

The question to ask is: ‘What do I want to be able to do to more of….? What do I want to be able to do less of…?

Confidence, true confidence (not the fake, Fake it till you make it stuff) is a way of being which makes us feel good about ourselves, because of how unapologetic it is.

True confidence is unapologetic. True confidence comes from knowing that you are so much more than just being confident in front of other people. It’s about knowing your worth because you know yourself.

Share your thoughts below-what do you think you really need to focus on? What’s the first thing you will do to make it happen?