Letting go of loved ones.
We all desire the most fulfilling and satisfying relationships. For all of us we have our primary relationships with our parents and siblings, with friends, family, teachers and colleagues. When we are in the fortunate position of being able to love someone, or when we are consciously practising loving someone unconditionally, relationships can feel like the blessing that they are. You see, what is meant to be will always happen. Relationships can’t be forced by will or expectation. A relationship cannot be shaped by control. You’ll notice when you are pushing for it to be something that it is not when it doesn’t flow as naturally as the breeze on a Summer’s day. No relationship can be forced. It will always be whatever it is meant to be. Through life, I have noticed that there is a spiritual ebb and flow to relationships and learning how to go with this flow is part of the beauty that embodies becoming connected with others, and letting go at the same time.
In the past few months, my dad has passed on and my boyfriend and I ended our relationship. And, as much as it hurts, it’s also ok. Letting go of loved ones has become a theme!
So, how can we make letting go feel lighter or easier?
The fear of loss
Naturally, we want to hold onto the ones we love because of how they make us feel, because of what they give to us and how they may validate us. However, when we are afraid to lose someone they can sense it. Our hold on them doesn’t feel comfortable, it doesn’t feel like it is loving. There is an element of control, even if it is unconscious and with no bad intentions. The subtlety of this spiritual grip means that the person feels trapped and all they want to do is fly away, move away and stay away. Fleeing or losing the other becomes inevitable and bound to happen. When my dad was in hospital, we had to confront the fear of losing him and help him feel free to go if that was what was meant to be.
To overcome the fear of losing others, learn to live in the appreciation of the person you are with and let them feel free. In this very present moment that is all that you can do. My all time favourite quote is from the Dalai Lama when he said ‘Give the one you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reason to stay’.
We are not supposed to be attached to anyone. Life doesn’t work that way. Each and every single one of us is a free spirit who is here for a number of purposes, to make many journeys, for many many reasons. On our travels to and from work, home, and around the world we will meet guides, mentors, supporters, enemies and each of these people embody one role: Teacher. You are the student and the teacher at the same time. We can certainly be deeply connected to others through marriage and blood ties, however we are still free spirits on a separate path to those we are connected to. Learning to detach is the practise of letting go.
We all have our old stories, our old beliefs, our old ways. Part of maturing is about unlearning all the things that we were taught during our childhood years. The path of life that we are on is always calling us to be who we truly are within; this is the lesson that every experience we have is always teaching us to come back to: embody kindness, compassion, patience, forgiveness, unconditional love for yourself and others, freedom to be and allow, experience all that you desire. Affirm, ‘Gracefully and gratefully, I accept the end of my old stories’.
Everything is always for now. The feeling of loss or joy you are feeling is only for now. The struggle for good things to come into your life is only for now. The hard work and continued effort is only for now. ‘This too shall pass’. And you’ll see that what was ‘for now’ transforms itself to another type of ‘for now’. No feeling lasts longer that the second that you are experiencing it. Your feelings, thoughts and experiences are always transforming into something else. And before you know it, letting go of loved ones feels lighter.
Trust yourself, trust the universe, trust God, trust your destiny and life’s plan. Everything whether full of ease or pain is working out exactly as it should be. Feel what you need to feel, experience it and always choose love. For, love is freedom. Trusting yourself and life is all about letting go, trusting in the bigger picture, trusting the unknown, trusting something that you have no control over. Have faith and let go of loved ones with gratitude, love and forgiveness. You never know, they may swing back, move on or never return. There will always come a time when we need to let them go, in order for them to evolve into whatever they are meant to be.
Is there someone you want to let go of? Share your thoughts and comments below, I’d love to hear from you!